someone get that fucking seahorse.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
