Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize