Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
