at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
As shirtless as possible
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
