I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
