dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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