He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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