he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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