i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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