I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
