Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
