If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
