Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
