Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
