what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
