You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
