what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
