Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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