watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
