Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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