Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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