MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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