My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
