my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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