Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
