Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
