well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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