Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
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They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
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I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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