he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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