ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
