We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
