It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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