I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
