hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
This house was built for laser tag.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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