i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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