i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
