like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
