Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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