In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
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Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
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Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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