Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
