we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
