I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
