and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
