Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
