One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
