when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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