theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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