hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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