Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
