all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize