I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
