My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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