i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
