the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
