I bet he comes in French.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
jump out the window naked night went bad
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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