my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
