I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
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How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
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Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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