My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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