to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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