HIV tests are more positive than that guy
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
