Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
