If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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