My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
