I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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