Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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