Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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