if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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