there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
