john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
