I hate all girls vehemently.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
