if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
