yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
