There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
