I wish I could teleport
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Acid is not a monday night drug
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
