he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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