Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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