Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
