i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
