He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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