So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
