Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
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I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
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This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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