I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
