i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
