So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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