By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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